Sex is Mysterious

I am a sex educator. I don’t understand what sex is.

My students, both kids and adults, look to me to answer their questions about sexuality.

I spend a lot of time reading research studies and learning from colleagues how to answer their questions. But inevitably, there are questions that I can’t answer. Things about sexuality that I don’t understand.

Across time and place, people have tried to make sense of sexuality as it is experienced by humans and by non-humans.

We’re still figuring it out today. Just a few weeks ago a student asked me: “what is the purpose of a clitoris?”

The answer depends on who you ask.

Scientific communities might respond by focusing on the clitoris’ role in reproductive success within the theory of evolutionary biology. A scientific response might sound something like this:

“The clitoris is an organ that contains erectile tissue and in humans, contains more than 10,000 nerve fibers. Stimulation of the clitoris can lead to orgasm which can cause the release of oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins. These neurochemicals can provide experiences of pleasure, social bonding or sensations of dizziness or drunkenness. Increased pleasure related to clitoral stimulation may increase chances of conception which may improve evolutionary success.”

Faith-based institutions would answer this question differently. I do not have a background in religious education but here’s my best attempt at how a Christian might respond to the question: 

“The clitoris is a God-given part of the body that was created to enhance intimacy and the martial bond between spouses.”

These are two diverse perspectives on the purpose of the clitoris and there are many more!

For the past three years I have consumed countless sources of knowledge (books, articles, classes, podcasts, and videos) as I prepared to teach sex ed classes to kids and families.

And despite reading about it, talking about it, and listening to others talk about it almost everyday, I still find sex incredibly challenging to make sense of. Sex is a collection of so many diverse things. Sex is…

relational, mysterious, powerful, a form of repair, playful, an expression of love, dangerous, joyful, a tool of empire and economics, a type of care, painful, a source of harm, pleasurable and so much more…

In the next phase of my work I am on the lookout 👀 for collaborators with whom I can try to make sense of what sex is and more importantly, explore how sexuality educators can share knowledge about sexuality with others.

I am grateful to be guided in this process by author and scholar Tyson Yunkaporta. Tyson’s stories have taught me that knowledge is co-created from diverse lived experiences and perspectives. If you have any perspectives you’d like to share about “what sex is,” I’d love to hear them.

Blogpost originally posted on Thursday June 5, 2025. Image from Unsplash.